still on this neurosis of mine
today i had:
breakfast
2 slices of bread
1 banana
lunch
rice with vegetables and chicken
TEH
afternoon
carrot juice
yam bun
dinner
sakae salad
grilled chicken w rice
supper
papaya
slice of cake
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
rage
does nothing for you.
yes, i admit it. nothing. absolutely nothing. just burns away all your good karma.
i RESOLVE NOT TO BURN AWAY MY KARMA because it's not worth for those motherfucking idiots out there. yes, i must try to be so calm and cool because the moment i let myself rage inside, i have LOST.
i must be cool. i must keep my cool.
anger comes from myself and it is myself who is raging. i wil harm myself and no one else will know but myself.
why am i always upset with other people? why do i always want to Win? to take revenge? because i think it's necessary for me to show them who's boss. but why? i have been trying ot udnerstand myself. why was i so indignant when my tenant continues to defy me and invites her entire clan to the house?
2 possibilities:
tenant is a bitch. tries to irritate me
tenant is NOT a bitch. tries to get e best deal for herslef.
anger-what role does anger play? to show that i m boss and that i do get upset and show them i mean business.
why do i want to mean biz? that i CANT BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED?
but i get upset, does it mean that ppl are SCared???? NO.ppl wil do whatever they want to and they dont care even if u are angry. some people just will get more pissed off and wont run, like i think.
therefore my assumption is when i show ppl i m angry, people will RESPECT ME - SO NOT TRUE AT ALL.
- people will only start to act crazy if u go beyond a certain level of hostility.
another thing is ; will people respect you if u get upset or throw tantrum? no. they will only dislike u more and hate u more. highly possible.
i had another theory about anger. if u want others to respect u and etc....when u dont see ugly things, u GET THE IMPRESSION it means all is well. but is it true? no. the nastiness is still there. just because my tenant did not TELL ME THAT SHE WANTS T ASK HER ENTIRE CLAN TO COME, doesnt mean that she is not planning to do so.
my point is: u get upset only when u see the nasty things or stupid things ppl do. but it doesnt mean that they havent thought the thought and your anger is directed at those people because u think that they're thinking e thot. but u have to learn to accept that they've started to think those thoughts and already have been thinking those thoughts. accept it. learnt to accept it. that life is full of this shit and is NOT AS WONDERFUL AS U THINK but u must learn to accept it and stop feeling angry.
u are angry because u can't accept the truth about life: the ugly harsh truths.
CATHARSIS -> u havent accepted the truth about life's harsh realities.
yes, i admit it. nothing. absolutely nothing. just burns away all your good karma.
i RESOLVE NOT TO BURN AWAY MY KARMA because it's not worth for those motherfucking idiots out there. yes, i must try to be so calm and cool because the moment i let myself rage inside, i have LOST.
i must be cool. i must keep my cool.
anger comes from myself and it is myself who is raging. i wil harm myself and no one else will know but myself.
why am i always upset with other people? why do i always want to Win? to take revenge? because i think it's necessary for me to show them who's boss. but why? i have been trying ot udnerstand myself. why was i so indignant when my tenant continues to defy me and invites her entire clan to the house?
2 possibilities:
tenant is a bitch. tries to irritate me
tenant is NOT a bitch. tries to get e best deal for herslef.
anger-what role does anger play? to show that i m boss and that i do get upset and show them i mean business.
why do i want to mean biz? that i CANT BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED?
but i get upset, does it mean that ppl are SCared???? NO.ppl wil do whatever they want to and they dont care even if u are angry. some people just will get more pissed off and wont run, like i think.
therefore my assumption is when i show ppl i m angry, people will RESPECT ME - SO NOT TRUE AT ALL.
- people will only start to act crazy if u go beyond a certain level of hostility.
another thing is ; will people respect you if u get upset or throw tantrum? no. they will only dislike u more and hate u more. highly possible.
i had another theory about anger. if u want others to respect u and etc....when u dont see ugly things, u GET THE IMPRESSION it means all is well. but is it true? no. the nastiness is still there. just because my tenant did not TELL ME THAT SHE WANTS T ASK HER ENTIRE CLAN TO COME, doesnt mean that she is not planning to do so.
my point is: u get upset only when u see the nasty things or stupid things ppl do. but it doesnt mean that they havent thought the thought and your anger is directed at those people because u think that they're thinking e thot. but u have to learn to accept that they've started to think those thoughts and already have been thinking those thoughts. accept it. learnt to accept it. that life is full of this shit and is NOT AS WONDERFUL AS U THINK but u must learn to accept it and stop feeling angry.
u are angry because u can't accept the truth about life: the ugly harsh truths.
CATHARSIS -> u havent accepted the truth about life's harsh realities.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
work...
i have been working for several weeks liao. well 3 to be exact.
i dont particularly like e job. i dunno what i m doing in that ccockhole. i shouldnt swear. i think i should be beter now. anyway, i keep counting my days...to august, my driving practical test. ihope i pass.
on a different note, i have been tihnking a lot about buddhism. today, was thinking about homosexuality and buddhism. i was wondering y the dalai lama would condemn it and immediately, i dismissed him, and his authority (sorry) and even the Buddha. but i checked the net later and realised that i shouldnt ahve doubts. i did have my doubts and really, i shouldnt have. shouldnt be so quick to judge.
anyway, i dunno what to say liao. too warm, too humid, too tired.
i dont particularly like e job. i dunno what i m doing in that ccockhole. i shouldnt swear. i think i should be beter now. anyway, i keep counting my days...to august, my driving practical test. ihope i pass.
on a different note, i have been tihnking a lot about buddhism. today, was thinking about homosexuality and buddhism. i was wondering y the dalai lama would condemn it and immediately, i dismissed him, and his authority (sorry) and even the Buddha. but i checked the net later and realised that i shouldnt ahve doubts. i did have my doubts and really, i shouldnt have. shouldnt be so quick to judge.
anyway, i dunno what to say liao. too warm, too humid, too tired.
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