on beauty ...

1) the girl who served me at ya kun said "BYE!"....these things do matter, dont they??? tbey should! :)

2) sat at starbux and charged my laptop. lovely! best of all, it was all F.O.C.

3) i got an offer to go for another round of interview - 2nd but i turned it down cos i didnt want to be a bad person.

4) had dinner and felt ok after dinner; didnt feel hungry again and all tat...

5) had a good chat w my best friend on phone - i wasnt a bitch to her.

6) liked 'tears that dry on my own' by amy i hate your cunt winehouse.

7) arranged to meet with pals; melissa and CINDY CRAWFORD!?!

ps: this is called therapy

disclaimer: this is not for karmaic effect.

i fucking hate you tan kheng hua. i think u're a fucking ugly woman trapped in a man's face. you fucking ugly tranny face. u fucking piece of shit. fuck you. i wish that you will just fuck the hell out of this world. i just hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you.

selena tan, you fucking ugly watermelon. i dunno where the fuck did you roll out from but i absolutely think that you should just explode! i just hate you. hate the hell out of you and dont ever want to see your fucking fat face again.

screw you screw you screw you all I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU AND I JUST DONT WANT TO SEE ANY OF YOU AGAIN. I NEED TO EXORCISE THE FUCKHEADS OUT OF MY LIFE. AND THAT'S YOU. YOU ALL, YOU FUCKING MOTHER FUCKERS ALL. GO AND FUCK YOURSELF. I DUN KNOW WHY U WERE BORN IN THE FIRST PLACE; TAN KHENG HUA PROBABLY TO MARRY LIM YUBENG YOU shiteheads.

good things yesterday

1) had a good time w an old pal; we sat at haagen dazs talking about her sex life. lol

2) my article is out in Luxx; but the story is WRONG! (instead of savile row, it showed luxury 2nd kitchens)

3) a sistic lady was so nice to me and let me pick up e tickets even tho the counter was already closed - i sang to her (it's now or never).

notes

1) had a nice pleasant surprise when leo msned me; he's in york now and i'm really pleased to know that at least he wasnt upset w me cos i 'made him pack my boxes and sent them to luton from coventry'. lol

2) had wifi from the kopitiam at blk 9. YIPPEE!

3) did bit of work in record time at kopitiam.

4) took a nice walk to and back from holland v

talking through w my counsellor

just met my counsellor today. was nice. i m beginning to warm up to her, as she to me, i think.

anyway, were talking. talking about the 5 diff levels of emotions:

1) anger
2) sadness
3) disappointment
4) fear
finally 5) forgiveness

apparently, i have lots of anger still. i want to work on it! yes! i must! i can do it. there is alot of guilt in me and i must to overcome them and learn to forgive myself and forgive the world.

gd things:
1) was quite quiet at chinatown dessert shop
2) got a place at the dessert shop
3) got a freelance deal with 2 magazine today (for tomasz donocik)
4) had a gd chat w my counsellor

i enjoy having lunches w my mom; sitting down and talking and chatting with her over a cup of teh. ah...finally, perhaps i m beginning to delight in e moment and savour life. i hope so.

wonderful things in life

today went to kuan yin temple and prayed. felt that it was a good thing.
then, went to pick up my laptop. 200$ but then, still, at least i got it back.

then, later i went to tkae a bus, 147 - what coincidence! and stopped before the bus turned elsewhere (diverted). glad that i did and that someone shouted so that i knew and could get off.

then, finally, i sat down and got the place i wanted, just by e verandah and had a great view of the street, etc and the people.

then, went to catch a movie, JUMPER, which was quite dumb but ok lah, cant complain.

regrets

i dunno y but i just felt like going thorugh some of old shots. wish i could scan them and put them here. i think i'll do that later.

anyway, was just thinking about seeing shots of my brother and me, fatehr and mother, etc. so many difernet shots.

i keep tihnking about those stupid smiles, reluctant smiles, grouchy faces (mom), tired looking dad, goofy eugene my brother, etc.

i see myself through time: me as an idiot boy, mostly sulky. so amny things. aiyah, dunno where to start. i just feel kinda sad. i kinda wished that i had this level of consciousness back then and so life would begin, really really begin then. but now, it's just only starting and it's strange, ppl always truly start to live only when they're going to die; or in a broader sense, which i'd like to think is more justified: people only start to live when they see the end. and that's sad. u know what i mean?

i love my mom and i wish i had spent more time together in the past. not that we dont. we do now. we spend a lot of time while i'm BUMMING and NOT EARNING $. still, sometimes, well, a lot of times, i feel helpless and wished and wonder if she has any regrets. that perhaps she might regret not being younger now. i dunnoo. maybe it's just me projecting my thoughts onto hers. it's stuipid, i always do that. w the f