second day - tinnitus or whatever it is

i sat in office. today felt bit better. but later, when i went out, i sorta felt worse. i dunno if i will really ever feel better.

i felt both e worse and the best.
i felt that i will die soon. but if i were to die feeling so well, i didn't mind. but of course i would. at the same time, i was hearing e buzzing while in e office boardroom listening to the fucking old fart talk shit, i thot to myself that i want to think good thots and be happy and want to start to desire again. want so many things. because i realise that i've been feeling down and sian for sometime now that i dun even realise it...

i started to think about majorca. i want to go back to that place w duh. i miss him so much. i missed the beautiful murals, wonderful feel of the old town, walking in e maze-like streets, savouring e atmosphere during siesta, admiring the ice white notre dame of majorca, etc

i just miss all of them i realise. now, it's just nothing but me alone here, doing all this shit. i just hate everywhere cos it's so fucking packed. i miss having peace, slowly being able to recover but then, i doubt it'll ever happen. this can only happen in my head and i must be able to do that on my own. but i doubt it will. i dunno what to say because honestly, i feel lousy now. very very lousy.

edmund, pls get well. pls dont have cancer, or tumour, or kidney problem or leukemia or other nerve problem or diabetes, etc

just be good. be happy.