meeting brother bhante kovida

today i met him. it was a nice experience. i would say that i normally didnt found the experience of meeting someone of higher spiritual level very intimidating, even stultifying. but later on, as i warmed up to him as he did to me - we spent 4 hours talking! - i realised that he was very casual and very approachable and i appreciated that tremendously.

i feel very grateful to him. that he bothered to even meet a stranger like me. and he spoke to me about many things. i really hope that i can learn qi gong from him and meditation. he did teach me meditative approaches like the laotian one that a laotian monk taught him.

we shared many things, and there were too many things to put down here. i guess, i 'm just tired from the exchange too and that today, my mind was too agitated to be able to calm down, or be happy. but i want to and i want to.

i hope to help him or be of use to him the way he has been to me. :)

thank you brother bhante.

may you be well and happy
may you be peaceful and calm
may you be well and healthy
may you be protected from danger and suffering.

on a differnet note, i've been feeling very disturbed again.
feel agitated becos of my weight thing.
mrning i weighed bout 69.9kg. ysterday morning, without food or water about 69.3kg - SEE i'm becoming OBSESSIVE!
at night, just after drinking, altho still short of about 250g of water, i weighed 67.7kg. i have to tell myself that my weight is in the same region as before and that i must STOP being unhappy and insecure, as I HAD BEEN AT WARWICK.

i DONT WANT TO BE THIS UNHAPPY when i get to paris and i must OVERCOME this fear and insecurity because it's RUINING my happiness and by letting this RUIN my hapiness, i m LETTING MY MOTHER AND PARTNER DOWN.

also, as my neurosis is not just about weight - it's about MY LIFE. because i used to have this neurosis and it was about gym, etc but now, i'm still ALLOWING IT TO RUIN MY HAPPINESS.
EDMUND, STOP BEING A FUCKING IDIOT. grow up and stop thinking obsessively about your weight because it's the FUCKING SAME.