thots at random

now, it's about 11pm. i haven't done much. fuck. supposed to do my novel today but i just frittered it away. f f f!

stomach feeling bit upset; last few days had bit of indigestion. but today, had bit of gastric; why does it always alternate between the both??? fuck, i m sick of the gallstone thing and i dunno if its gallstone at all and i want to wish it not.

please pleaseeeeeeee...my ancestors, pls do not torment me this way. i dont want to carry your sins and your torments in my life and pls do not manifest them through me. it would be terrible, a terrible and evil thing to do.

anyway, i was in venice last week and tommorrow, i'm going to paris.

i've planned out my itinerary. to go to sadaharu aoki's patisserie, the fragonard perfume museum as well as the dim sum at belle ville.

i really look forward to moving AWAY from luton. LUTON IS A REAL FUCK HOLE.

i don't know why i put harisu's pic here but i just want to see something pretty, nice.

you know, sometimes, well, incerasingly, as i told someone once in my life in the past two years - FUCK YOU EW -- i find that life ultimately boils down to the flesh; your sensations, taste, touch, everything. hedonism. that's e way to go, for me at least at this stage of my life.

my life is so different now. so many phases i went through. when i was younger, i was a boy when asked what i wanted to do and be, "doctor".

then, i went through the rebelling stage. then, the 'fuck materialism', and now, 'i want to be materialistic'.

strange huh. i just dunno why.

i feel that knowing EW is one of the good things that happened to me because this encounter indirectly, or inadvertently, led me to this state now. pathetic state. and i want to stop, and BE HAPPY.

i realised that i really want to b happy. i want.